Leading As a Parent and Clinician: Practical Advice for the Working Parent

It is not uncommon to look around the room and wonder about how others do it.  How did my chair rise to their position while having a family life? How did the president of a society get that role and achieve balance at home? How can I become a leader in my chosen career path and be a model parent and citizen?

What I want to tell you is that you are asking the wrong question.  Ask instead, how can I become a reliable leader and still function as a good parent and citizen.  Start first with the realization that balance will always be in motion and learning how to move and set clear goals and boundaries that change with time is the key to success when being a leader and working parent.

In this article, we will review some strategies that can help you with your leadership path.  Before you continue reading, however, answer this question- what is the number one most important thing to you?  Knowing this will guide you through all your decisions.  Whenever in doubt, remember the one most important thing and use that to answer yes or no.

In case you are wondering, my number one is my children…

Work Leadership

If you want to be a leader at work or in a professional setting, you need to consider what your priorities and goals are.  Start by figuring out what your “thing” is.  Don’t make it too broad- the narrower the better.  You are going to use this to create a map for the automatic yes; the work you will agree to do and move things around for.  Your “thing” will help you set boundaries and priorities around.  This may become your “brand” and your work “priority”. 

A personal example- if my children are number one, my work priority is education.  Now my priority is a great example of being too broad- it led to a lot of problems early on as a lot comes under education.  I addended my priority after a year (or two) of confusion about what to automatic yes to.  My priority shifted to migraine education to health care providers, preferably primary care and general neurology, in the US (until the kids got a bit older).  If an ask fell inside this range and I was available, my answer was usually a yes. As my career grew, I added other priorities as I was able to handle.  As I got busier, I removed some priorities- but the education piece always stayed.

Priorities should shift depending on what part of your career you are in and as you grow.  Some examples of priorities early in career are to prioritize attending regional or national meetings to network or attend committee meetings to become more involved, to write, to educate, to become known. Mid-career maybe you prioritize attending non-headache meetings to gain new skill sets or network outside your main community, become a chair of a committee or interest group, take on roles locally at your hospital as a committee member, run for a hospital governance committee, take a role in your medical school as a committee member in an interest group.  As you grow, so will your focus in leadership and learning about opportunities internally at work and externally in your career will be important as will aligning those opportunities to what is important to you and what is your work priority.

Life Leadership

Leading at work is much more comfortable if your life at home is stable.  Every resource on the internet will tell you to succeed at home, consistent routines are a must.  I will tell you, get a routine going, but understand that things may have to change- so working out who is back up when a child is sick or someone must be taken to an appointment is essential.  Either you have back up care or you have this discussion with your partner BEFORE the call from daycare or school.  It will save you the last-minute stress.

Create consistent weekly routines.  For example, every Wednesday from 4-6pm one child has an activity so no work calls or meetings during this time (or that is a great time for a zoom meeting with no video).  Develop a daily routine that includes setting times for work, family, and personal activities to provide structure and predictability.  It is important that the children are involved and know the daily routine. As children get older, involving them in daily routines can help ease the burden on the parent and increase independence for the child. 

Use a family calendar to define specific times for work, family, and personal activities, and share the calendar with the family.  This can be done via an app or using a fancy gadget. Consider weekly family meetings to discuss “this week’s schedule” so everyone is aware of what is going on. 

Consider time-blocking.  This is when you segment your day into dedicated blocks for specific tasks.  As a physician my day is time-blocked into first the am routine with the younger child, then clinic, school pick up and homework with the kids, any research or consulting meetings, emails, dinner, time with my husband, then bedtime routine with both kids. If I am still awake, I end the night reading.  When I am asked about when I am available for a meeting, it is easy for me to know that most of the time I will be available during my time-block in the late afternoon/early evening.  That makes answering emails easier.

Of course, no leader would be a great leader without knowing how to delegate.  This is equally important at home.  If you have the resources, delegating things out will ease the burden on you and improve the quality of time you spend with your family or on things that are important to your personal well-being.  These delegated items can include house cleaning, groceries, laundry, lawn/garden care, pet care, and cooking. The lucky few that I know that have everything delegated have the richest home life I have seen, with all their time dedicated to family time and work.

Life Hacks

With family and work seeming to always come first, it is important to try not to forget other important things in life- like yourself and your friends.  Remember to prioritize quality time over quantity.  When spending time with loved ones, be present.  Avoid electronics at meals, use moments of dead space to catch up with friends or listen to your favorite podcast (think about that commute!).

Remember to practice self-care to avoid burnout.  No leader can lead if they are falling apart.  Make time for appointments with doctors, exercise, reading or listening to books, watching your favorite show or sporting events- and don’t feel guilty when you put down work to do something you love. It is important to schedule rest and fun as much as it is important to schedule work.

I will tell you a secret- if I work hard for 2 days in a row, I get 1 day of something fun.  These days with all the kids’ activities I drive to, fun may be reading a book in the car or taking a walk in nature. I also use my travel time to a meeting to read or watch something I have been looking forward to- no work on the plane or in the airport! This lets me look forward to travel rather than dread it and arrive to a work trip much more at ease than stressed.

Never Forget

Accept that perfection is unrealistic.  Instagram, Pinterest, Tic-toc, none of it is real- there is another side to the camera you don’t see.  Do the best you can and live your best life. Seek support from friends, family, and professionals whenever you need it.

Resources

• Leadership and Parenting: https://www.aafp.org/pubs/fpm/issues/2021/0900/p40.html
• Family Calendar: https://www.usemotion.com/blog/best-shared-calendar-app-for-families#google
• Meal Delivery Services: https://www.nbcnews.com/select/shopping/best-meal-delivery-services-rcna224305
• Time Management (Time Blocking, Creating a Schedule):
  • https://www.todoist.com/productivity-methods/time-blocking
  • https://www.usemotion.com/blog/create-weekly-schedule
  • https://www.forbes.com/sites/johnrampton/2018/05/01/manipulate-time-with-these-powerful-20-time-management-tips/